IS IT WRONG TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE??

Minggu-minggu ini gue lagi mikirin satu lagu worship yang touch banget ke hati gue. Beautiful  Savior judulnya. Pas gue mikirin lagu ini, gue lagi dapat satu proses tentang hati. Ga usah gue critain kronologinya lah ya….. Yang jelas lagu ini mengingatakan tentang satu hal, kalo terkadang kita memalingkan muka dari Bapa untuk lebih mencurahkan perhatian ke hal-hal lain yang menurut kita lebih “menarik”. For example about money, your family or your relationship.

Salah satu kasus yang sering terjadi adalah soal relationship. Kalo gue tanya is it wrong to have a relationship with a guy?? You know the answer lah. Lagian kan ga ada juga orang yang disalahkan karena menjalin hubungan dengan seseorang yang mereka suka. Menjalin hubungan dengan lawan jenis memang tidak salah. So, the question is….. Apakah hatimu tetap sama terhadap Tuhan dan pelayananmu jika kamu menjalin hubungan dengan seseorang yang kamu “kasihi”? Apakah kamu bsa menjamin hatimu untuk Tuhan tidak akan terbagi?

Dalam pikiran kalian pasti bertanya, kalo gitu ga boleh donk orang punya pacar?? Bukannya ga boleh, hanya saja siapkah hatimu untuk menduakan pacarmu bagi Tuhan? Kalo malam minggu biasanya yang pacaran pergi dating. Eh, padahal hari sabtu malam itu waktunya bagi pemuda gereja untuk ibadah youth. Nah disinilah time to make a decision. Manakah yang lebih berharga bagimu, waktumu untuk Tuhan atau waktumu bagi pacarmu? Saat pacarmu ulang tahun dan kalian berencana hang out bareng, tiba-tiba ada tugas pelayanan ke luar kota. Manakah yag akan loe utamakan? Teori sih gampang kan…. Prakteknya silahkan dijawab sendiri. Logikanya aja lah, kita cenderung ga akan bisa berdoa karena dalam pikiran kita cuma ada bayangan si dia aja. Ngaku aja deh. Hahahaha…… gue ga nge-judge siapa-siapa ya, itu menurut kesaksian gue sendiri sih hehe…. Bahan kalo boleh dibilang nih gue ga perlu nunggu foto terbaru dari dia untuk gue gambar. Karena gue udah bisa gambar muka dia dalam ingatan gue. Ngeri gak tuh. Duduk berjam-jam ngegambar muka dia bisa tahan sampe lebaran monyet. Tapi giliran disuruh doa dan baca Firman satu jam aja susahnya minta ampun. Dan itu memang harus minta ampun. Statement dari senior gue yang keren adalah “Loe mau dibina atau dibinasakan?” ahahhahaha…. Lucu kedengarannya kan. Tapi serius itu lho…. Karena Tuhan itu adalah Tuhan yang cemburu. Kasih-Nya itu api yang menghangatkan bisa juga membinasakan. Jadi pilih sendiri yang mana.

Suka sama orang itu sah-sah aja. Tapi tau batas juga lah…. Tapi kalo hati loe belum bisa menomorsekiankan pacarmu mendingan ga usah dulu deh. Loe bakalan mikir klo semua itu adalah milik loe seorang, loe bakalan takut kehilangan waktumu, pacarmu dan “cinta”mu. Padahal semakin loe takut keilangan maka hal itu lah yang akan diambil darimu. Jadi daripada nanggung resiko mendingan kan ga usah…. (brilliant). Mendingan bayangin aja kalo sekarang Tuhan lagi berdiri di depanmu sambil membawa karung berisi belahan jiwa loe yang sesungguhnya. Dan pada waktunya nanti Dia akan memberikan yang sepadan dan yang terbaik buat loe. Cuma tinggal tunggu waktu aja... Aseeeekkk… hahahahha.

Tentang lagu Beautiful Savior tadi, kalo menurut gue lagu ini adalah lagu yang indah. Bukan Cuma karena liriknya yang indah tapi juga artinya yang indah. Bapa lah satu-satunya pribadi yang indah. Karena keindahan-Nya bukan keindahan yang sementara, tapi keindahan yang sejati, kekal dan penuh kemuliaan. Orang di dunia aja ngejar kemuliaan kok, ntah itu posisi, jabatan dan lain sebagainya. Masak kita ga mau ngejar kemuliaan yang ga akan pernah usang?? And the best thing that you have to know is A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD IS THE BEST RELATIONSHIP YOU CAN HAVE! because He gave His son to die on the cross for you.... He can fill you with His love and glory if you are willing.

So let's check the song out and find out your mind :

Jesus beautiful Savior

God of majesty, Risen King

Lamb of God

Holy and righteous

Blessed redeemer, bright morning star

All the heaven shout Your praise

All creation bow to worship You

How wonderful, How beautiful

Name above every name

Exalted high

How wonderful, How beautiful

Jesus Your name, name above every name

Jesus

I will sing forever

Jesus I love You,

Jesus I love You

My Diary

Gue suka ngelukis. orang lain bilang itu bakat, tapi whatever lah,  gue cuma suka aja. Beberapa orang (yang pintar tentu saja) berani mempublikasikan gambarnya di jejaring sosial. Gue sih masih belum tertarik kesitu ya (karena gue belum pintar hahaha), tapi kalo dicoba kayaknya boleh juga tuh.... karena sempat gue mau off dari dunia gambar-menggambar, istilah dari temen gue tuh "pensiun jadi gambarwati" wkwkwkwkwk..... Itu karena ada sedikit trouble sama diri gue sendiri aja. But whatever lah...... yang lalu biarlah berlalu, karena sesungguhnya yang baru telah datang. (hahahaha lagi2 modus).

gambar gue kayaknya ga jelek2 amat sih, ga bagus juga maksudnya, tapi bisalah untuk pajangan nakut2in tikus di kos gue hahahaha... (sudah mulai besar kepala).

this is mine.

i found it in FB

sama orang yang di lukis tapi beda jadinya ahahaha

Udah banyak gambar yang gue bikin, ga tau mau gue apain semuanya itu...

ini ga tau juga gue gambar cewek lagi ngapain.

salah satu aliran alay gue hahahaha

kata temen2 gue sih ini bunga kantung semar. mereka ketawa klo gue bilang kalo sebenarnya ini adalah gambar embung yang menetes...wkwkwkwk

kalo yang satu ini silahkan terka sendiri siapakah dia.....

Sabaku no Gaara.....gue lagi gila2 naruto nih...... bambar jaman gue masih unyu... :)

ntah Demi Lovato ato Kety Perry juga bingung gue

yang ini tugas gue bikin gambar buat ditempel di MaDing kampus. nah jadilah begini... JREEENG...JREEENG.... konyol kan?? gue pikir juga kayak gitu

ini primadona di file lukisan gue.....

dah itu aja sebagian tumpahan kreativtas gue.... masih banyak yang lain... klo mau liat datang ja ke kos gue hahahahaha......

For the last three days I have shared with some people. We have shared about anything. About life, love, knowledge, commitment, leaderships and many more topics that change my mind.

On Monday, I shared with my Semantic lecturer. She told me how to be a good student in a class and for my faculty. I like her manner when she shared. I became open minded how to face the thesis next year. What is my major and how to analyze a subject.

On Tuesday, my Economic Lecturer treated FBS class to have lunch together. We talked about anything. He shared about his business that he do besides his teaching economic in the university. Something different when I saw him this day. He is smart, not too smart I guessed but he is creative. He knows everything by his life learning. He teaches us not only with his knowledge but also his experiences. I begin to like him I think. He gave us an advice so that we can manage our times. All people have the same times, 24 hours a day. But not all people can manage their times to be an extraordinary man. The key is what we will do with our times. Just having fun or we will do it with the worth things. Everything have fruits. Don’t do the bad things if you don’t want to get something bad in your lives. That’s it! So simple but you get the message.

Tuesday night I shared with my friend about serving with a clear heart. Sometimes in this world we have to choose the hard things that we never like to do. Sometimes God will take the most valuable thing of our life but we have to know that His plans always be perfect forever. He knows everything about us. And when we do everything we have to enjoy it. Because there is a time when we can’t do that thing anymore. I remember Narnia where Aslan said the the same thing never happen twice in life. So I think that I will enjoy everything that I do and I will do it whole heartedly.

And today, Wednesday, I shared with my seniors. The first was my brother. He shared about leadership and how to be a good leader. The leader is not a person who stay on the top of the occupation just like a general manager, director of a company. But the real leader is a one who become the impact when they are around, wherever they go, whatever they do. A person who become an example for everyone around him. A position doesn’t make someone become the “real leader”. Great quote hahahhaha.

Today I also shared with another senior. She is my spiritual sister. I really love her so much. I learn more from her. This afternoon was about commitment. I think I need more time to share this sharing. The simple is we do the commitment because of the rule. But we do the commitment because we really want to get something that God will give us a thing (a marvelous thing) because we are obey to Him. This is my faith. Everyone have their own perceptions. But it will be great if we do the commitment because we will get the plus point from Him. I will wait it hahahahaha. I try to enjoy everything in my life now. I don’t care what people say about me. This is me. I imagine what kind of thing that God will give me. I have to wait for that hahahahhaha….. J

Over all, I am really blessed because I have them in my life. I am blessed because I have this community which (maybe) I won’t have it in another day. I try to enjoy all of the bittersweet of this process. Just can say “thank’s Lord for everything You have given to me”, I enjoy it. Just like Aslan ever said,”The same thing never happen twice in life, Dear one.”

God bless.

Last week we did the mid test. That Friday we had to face with Literature. In a day we did three subjects (Drama, Poetry and Prose). The interesting subject for me was Prose because we did a film review. Actually I didn’t study anything the night before the test. So it was very terrible I couldn’t answer the questions at all (cried… T_T). We had to analyze “Pacific Rims”. What kind of movie was that?! I had never seen it before.

The test was over. So, finally, I watched it. From the beginning till the end of the movie I was made tense by the movie. I hope that you have watched it so you can understand what I mean (too lazy to explain it hehehe).

The most interesting thing was the main actor of the Pacific Rims. Charlie Hunnam as Raleigh Becket. He is cool.

And the woman is Rinko Kikuchi as Mako Miru. I like her performance in this movie.

But the most fantastic and handsome actor is……
JREEEEENG…. JREEEEEENG…. JREEEEEENG……

 

Hahahaha…. I am just kidding. Raleigh Becket is numb. one.

SEHARI BERSAMA SASTRA

Hari ini ujian full SASTRA..... Prose, Drama and Poetry dlam sehari.....

Gue kagak belajar semalam arna ngerjain tgs TTS yang kemarin gue bilang itu.....
Loe tau alhasil NGARANG BEBAS pun jadi bray....aseeekkk....
Gue lagi duduk sama temen-teman nih... Septi seperti biasa, Sweet Yuli, Iyuth, Hanna Meyti, dan lain sebagainya...... hahahahahah.......

Yang pasti hari iini merdeka.... Karna gue bisa ngarang bebas sebebas-bebasnya...... grookkkk....groookkkkk.......  (Babi gue mana????)

muka2 anak FBS waktu ngerjain TTS hari ini

I never know what I do or what i feel now. I never realize that I have this feeling for my friend. I mean I am not too close with him, i just know him, we are just friend. Until my close friend told me that I am different when I saw him. Something strange happened to me. I don't know why, but after she told me like that I became more realize that I need him so much.

Have you ever experienced it before? You know, day by day become crazier than before because of that. See, you can smile when the one you love seems happy. You become happy just because the one you love is laughing for something you don't know. You feel that your burdens disappear when you meet the one you live. You feel that you are going to explode when the one you love is looking at you. You will never know how to explain that feeling you have. Because it is just like a magic. You won't need anything else but his smile. That's enough for you.

Sometimes i feel that he ignore me. I will jealous when he close with the other girls. But I try to erase that feeling, because I know that he is not mine (exactly now, but I don't know forward hahaha). But I know that he care for me. Gotcha!!! hahahahahaha....... That's enough..... Just do like usual but the important thing is he care for me... LOL.....

God bless.

Coffee for The Rain

I am woken up by the sound of the falling rain outside the house. The smell of the wet land outside makes me feel relax. Now is 7.00 a.m. I glance at the dressing table there is a beautiful scarlet carson rose bouquet. Last night I got it from someone I’m madly in love with. Today I decide not to go anywhere today. I just want to enjoy my time with myself.

I walk to the kitchen and make a cup of coffee. Suddenly something in the past appear when I smell the coffee. I sit on the window in my room. The taste of the coffee brings me back to the past. It was several years ago before I became me today.

“Stevie!" shouted a voice behind me. I knew whose voice it was. Joshua, my BFF (best friend forever). The first time I met him was in the elementary school. He gave me a chocolate bar in my 6th birthday. Since that time we had become friends. “Hi, why do you bring your camera here?” “As usual, do you have a free time after school?” “Yes, I do.” “Good. Come with me. I have a new place for us to take the pictures. I promise you’ll like it.” “Have you done your home works? You remember to hunt a picture but you always forget to finish your home works.” “I can do it after we go, right?” “Whatever, I told you, Josh. If you get a bad score again in this semester that isn’t my responsibility.” “Yeah, I won’t ask you responsible for that,” he laughed at me before he left.

Actually, he wasn’t a good friend. We didn’t have the same perception about everything. I loved coffee and chocolate, but he hated it. He loved rain and photography very much, I really hated the rain. The only reason why we were always together was we were different.

After school I waited for him in the café nest to the school building. That was my favorite place to spend my time and enjoyed a cup of coffee. I ordered a cup of Americano Coffee. Not so long I was waiting, Joshua came. “I know you are here.” “You know me so well, Josh. Do you want to drnk a cup of coffee?” “No, thank’s. I hate it. I will buy Strawberry Sundae for myself.” I didn’t know why he didn’t like coffee. As long as we were together he never drank coffee. I tried to guess the reasons, but I never found the answers.

We went to the place he meant after he had finished his strawberry sundae. A long the way, I realized that the place was nice. It surprised me very much after we had arrived in a hill. There was a little river flowed on the right side of the hill. I could see the farms in the distance. The grass was really green, the air was clean and I guessed it would be very romantic in the evening because we could see the sun set in the west. Perfect place!

“Alright, welcome to the paradise. Do you like this place?” “I hate to say it, but to be honest, Josh, this is the perfect place that I have ever seen.” “I know you’ll love it.” Suddenly I remembered something about us. He could made me smile every time, gave me a little surprise and he would do everything that I asked him to do. My mind became awkward when I reminded my classmate’s word that we looked like a couple not an ordinary friend. They said that I was here for Joshua, and He was here for me. I ignored it. It didn’t make sense, because we had known each other for almost 12 years. I had no idea if I had to build a relationship with my own best friend! But I realized that we couldn’t always be together forever. I imagined that we had our own couple, could we become the close friend like this? Could we do everything together? I became scare to think about that. “Stevie, come!” he shouted at me. I come to him. He took my pictures. I like his style took a picture. We had fun until we were tired. We took so many pictures there. Unluckily the rain came. Ok, I was wet! I hated te rain!

Joshua brought me to a cottage near that place. There was a man sold corns. Luckily the man had coffee. It could warmed me who was felt so cold. Joshua still didn’t want to drink it. “Josh, why do you like the rain?” “Stevie, have you a reason why you love coffee?” “Excuse me?” “It is just like you. I just like the rain as you like your coffee.” Again, he smiled at me and it didn’t answer my question at all. But I enjoyed the time with him today. “Yeah, I know now. Thank you by the way…. You don’t answer my question.” He laughed again and looked at me deeply, “Stevie, it is a simple reason why I love the rain. If you are dancing in the rain when you are sad, nobody knows that in the same time you are also crying. For the rain come down and wash away your tears.” I just could smile at him. Why I didn’t realize that he was different. I could say it romantic want

I always thought about him after that day. But I tried as neutral as I could to control my feeling in front of him. I hated to confess it, but I began to love him.

Until that afternoon when I saw him in the canteen he was laughing with Amanda, my schoolmate who I hate. I didn’t have a good relation with her. She often brought me to the bad conditions where I always went to be the loser in front of people. Although I know that she did it because she wanted to have friends like me. Yeah, she didn’t have a friend actually. And that afternoon I had to see her laughed with my Joshua. Oh, great! “Am I jealous?! C’mon, Stevie… you don’t need to do that!” I scream in the heart. “It doesn’t make sense if I am jealous with Amanda. But…. Why her?! Ok, I’m jealous now. I’m really jealous!”

I avoided Joshua after that day I saw him with Amanda. My feeling was so bad. Joshua wanted to know what happened to me. But I run away from him. He tried to meet me, but I ignored him. It didn’t solve the problem, in fact it burned of the flame. We never talked each other. I was busy with my activities, and of course he went out with Amanda. Perfect!

“Do you have a problem with Joshua, Stevie?” asked my classmate. “No, we’re fine.” “Are you sure? But why do I often see him go out with Amanda? And you’re never look together again.” “That’s not my business.” “Stevie, your answer has already shown me that you’re not ok.” I ignored her.  But I know she was right about it. Only the stupid blind person who didn’t realize that. I did as if I didn’t know Joshua and I didn’t care about him. But my heart always said that I really need him that much.

October 18th, my birthday came. Everybody gave me congratulations. I was waiting for him but he didn’t come. Alright, he ignored me. That wasn’t funny. Too obvious that he hated me. That was my birthday and my friend who I counted on didn’t come to congratulate me. I felt that it seemed like drinking a big cup of dark coffee. Too bitter than I could imagine.

I went home…. Alone…. I thought that nobody cared for me the sky was crying.it made me wet. Ok, I began remember him again and again about the situation, about my birthday and about the rain. But that day I just wanted to dance in the rain until nobody knew that I was crying. After that I didn’t remember everything. All that I knew I was lying on my bed when I opened my eyes.

“Mom….” I looked for my Mom. “Over here, sweetheart. Do you feel better?” “Hmm…. I think so…. What happened?” “You fainted on the way back home. Your friend brought you home.” Oh great. Everybody would think that I depressed because of Joshua. I couldn’t thing something. I just wanted to take a rest.

That night Joshua came to my house. He asked my Mom about my condition. I didn’t want to meet him. I told my Mom that I wanted to take a rest. I thought that Joshua understood what I meant. Finally he went home. I missed him but I hated him. “Why did you do that, Stevie? He looked so sad.” “It’s ok, Mom.” “Stevie, I know you. You have to talk with him, sweetheart.” “We’re ok, Mom. There is no something to talk.” “You’re not okay, Stevie. You know which friend of yours who brought you home this afternoon, Josh did. Whatever what your problem is, just remember what I say, you are friends, honey.” After my Mom left me in my room, I cried because I couldn’t do anything to clear this problem.

The next day in the school, I didn’t feel like doing anything. I decided to leave the class. I went to the café and enjoyed a cup of Espresso Con Panna. It was better to spend my bad time there.

After several time I was alone, Joshua came and sit beside me. “What are you doing here?” he asked me. “It’s not your business.” “Why you are here? I thought that you are in the class now. But I don’t find you everywhere. So I know you must be here.” I just kept silent. But he tried to make me talked to him. I let him keep talking about this, that, those and everything without I gave him a word. He realized that I didn’t interest with him. So he stopped for a moment and ordered Caffee Au Lait. I surprised since when he drank coffee?

He drank it a little. His expression showed that he didn’t like it. He forced himself to finish his coffee as fast as he could. “Are you crazy or something?” I commented. “No, why? I just want to try what you like,” he caught my eyes. “What?” “You know, Stevie. I can do everything to make you forgive me. Including to do something that I don’t like. I have tried drinking for several times, but I can’t lie to myself that I still hate it.” I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t believe that Joshua did everything that he hated just for me? Did it make sense? Only the stupid guy who was willing to drink something he didn’t like.

“Ok, Stevie…. Let’s talk. What happen to you? Did I do something wrong to you?” “No, Josh.” “So why do you like this?” “Where did you go in my birthday? I was waiting for you but you didn’t come.” “I’m so sorry, Stevie. When the rain came actually I wanted to make a surprise for you. But I saw you so happy to dance under the rain. So I stopped myself and let you enjoyed your time. But something happened. You fainted.” “I think that you have found your new friend who better than me?” I couldn’t stop my tears dropped on my face. “What do you mean? A new friend? “Amanda.” “I have guessed it. Oh, Stevie. I’m so sorry if you felt like that.” “Why you did it?” “She needs a friend, Stevie. I wanted to talk to you about this before but you never let me. I tell you, we have to change her life to be better. She is also our friend. But if you don’t like it I will stay away from her.” “No, Josh…. I’m sorry. I was jealous.” He looked at me in surprise. He didn’t say anything. But suddenly he gave me a hug. I felt warm, felt comfort.

“Stevie, when you were far away from me, I realized that I need you so much,” he said. “I drink coffee everyday, but it doesn’t change my mind. I don’t like coffee.” “You don’t like it? Really?” “Hmmm…. Maybe I begin to love it…. A little bit. So what did you do in the middle of the rain in your birthday yesterday? I had to brought you to back home.” “Oh, I’m so sorry for that. I just wanted to know what kind of feeling when I danced In the rain. And I like it.” “I told you, you’ll like it.”

That story happened five years ago. Now we’re together. And next month Joshua will marry me. My friends were right. Joshua is made for me and I’m for him. Coffee for the rain and the rain is created for the coffee. That is strange. But that is the story about a cup of coffee in the middle of the rain.